A Love Letter
by Anaroriel
Summary: Numair's thoughts on Daine. PreRotG One Shot.
1. Chapter 1

I missed her more than I could say in words. The pen floated above the parchment in hesitation, the thoughts froze in my head as I thought of her with longing. She was more than the holder of my secret affections, she was my best friend, and I did not know what I would do if I lost her. I paused for a few moments longer to gather my composure and then wrote slowly, trying to disguise my shaky penmanship.

_Dear Magelet,_

_I cannot believe three weeks have passed since I've last seen you. Although I have received your letters, I cannot help but be concerned for your welfare. Yes, yes, I know perfectly well what you're thinking. I can almost hear your voice now, filled with frustration for having once again be the focus of my worries."I'm fine, Numair, I can take care of myself." I know you can take care of yourself, my Magelet, that's the only reason I was able to let you go. But I still miss you, and I hope you miss me too. There's something I have been wanting to say to you, something I lack the courage to say to your face. I love you._

Startled by the words that suddenly appeared on the page before me, I knocked over the bottle of ink, splattering the parchment with ink. I stared at the words in shock, unbelieving that I could write such traitorous thoughts down. What was I thinking? Had I finally gone daft after all? Obviously I was more tired than I had previously believed. I let the parchment soak up the ink, letting the revealing words melt in the lake of black. I moved the parchment deeper into the spill, letting the ink completely hid the words, turning the parchment to the deepest of black, so dark that even a recovery spell could not return the three small words to the paper.

_I love you._ How could I be so foolish to write down evidence of my feelings? Yes, that was what I believed. I loved her more than my own life and I would gladly give it to her just to make her smile. I would bend over backward, give up my life of powerful magic and scholarship and become a juggler if she so wished it. My life was completely hers, but she didn't know that and I wasn't about to tell her the truth. I lit the parchment on fire, completely destroying the evidence as I watched the parchment turn immediately into gray ash.

A part of me wondered what I was doing here in Corus. The more practical side of me, the logical part, knew I was here to help guard the city against Immortal attacks, with the bigger assignment of searching the library and theorizing with other brilliant scholars about how to recreate the border that had kept the immortals in the Immortal Realms. But the "greater purpose" of my life seemed to disappear when I thought of the love of my life. She was what gave my life meaning and made me able to continue living day to day. With that in mind, one small piece of me wondered what I was doing in Corus when I should be spending every single moment of this short life with the girl of loved. What was my purpose in life if not led by the being of Daine? I needed her.

I blew the ash of the parchment across the room as I let out a sigh. At this point in my life, this ideal was not possible. She was not aware of my affections and I felt I could not tell the beautiful sixteen-year-old. Why would such a beautiful young girl give up all her prospects for a experienced thirty-year-old man? I could not bear the further blemishes on her reputation were she with me. I could not take the blame of unfairly seducing the girl I loved. I slammed my fist down onto the table, feeling a sick enjoyment fort the contrast of hurt between the physical and emotional. I tore another sheet of parchment from the long blank scroll next to me. Simple, I must something simple that will not be misconstrued.

_Dear Magelet,_

_I trust that you are well and in good health. Kit misses you dearly, but be assured that she is doing very well here in Corus. I am very busy here, but I am awaiting your return._

_Yours,_

_Numair_

_P.S._ I dictated in my mind, _I love you and always will._


	2. Chapter 2

The air was clearer than she had ever felt it as she soared over the pine trees below. Nothing could put her at ease like flying, but despite the relaxing state she felt a nagging sensation at the back of her mind. The letter had been so cold, so short that she almost crumpled up the letter in despair. What was going on back home? Why didn't Numair give her any more information than the few sentences he gave her? Was he so busy and Tortall so in need of his expertise that he only had a few moments to pen that short response before rushing off into another dangerous situation?

Daine dived suddenly down into the camp before, actively shutting off the list of unanswerable and frightening questions. She missed Numair; she missed the security of his knowledge to answer all these difficult questions; she missed how he made every input she had seem as important as all these learned adults' ideas; and she especially missed how he could brighten her day with a bit of simple optimism and encouragement.

Daine shifted from hawk form into human form and quickly dressed. She debated between writing a similar short and uninformative note to make him worry, or to press him further for more details about what was happening in Corus. She hurried into her tent and found a piece of parchment and pen. Buttons greeted her and Daine bid the carrier pigeon a polite good morning and then returned to the task at hand. What was she going to say?

_Dear __Numair_

_All is good __here,__ we should be able to finish getting the ponies to Corus in another week or so. We've had a few problems with immortals, but nothing too bad. With my and the People's help, __Alanna__ was able to finish the job that Jon had for her. Please tell me that Corus is not in danger, __and that you're not in danger. I don't like to be so far away from you. I hope you're doing all right. Take care to eat and sleep or I'll get one of the palace mice to look over you. _

_Daine_

That seemed like a sufficient letter. She read it over, and was pleased to discover that it did both of the things she wanted it to do, which made her guilty. She didn't want Numair to be worried, but she didn't know what else to say. She accepted that Numair would probably worry about her no matter what, whether there was a need or not.

Buttons flew over to Daine and she attached the letter to the bird's outstretched leg. They chatted about bird gossip for a bit before Buttons bid Daine farewell, explaining she had better go if she wanted to arrive before dark.

"All right then. Safe journey!" _And please find __Numair__ and my home safe._


End file.
